Los Libros

So I decided to be like Erica and start reviewing the books that I read. Then, everyone will realize that a. I read a lot of crap fiction/shallow books and b. I am the library's best customer. The Jones family started a book journal in March of last year and it has been very interesting to count all the books we have read.

Latest book:
So it is possible that I should read more in-depth books. Then whenever I go to a job interview next, I don't have to lie and say the last book I read was One Thousand Years of Solitude instead it really being about prehistoric sharks that are trapped in the Mariana Trench and somehow get out and eat tons and tons and tons of people. (It's called Meg. And I just finished it for the 2nd time. I heart sharks.)

So Julia aka my clone and I found this book at one of our adventures to STD land aka the Mesa Public Library downtown Mesa branch. Julia read it first and said it was pretty good. She compared it to being almost as good as Ella Enchanted. No. Not at all. Here are the things I despise about books in no particular order:

1. 1. When the author gets tired of writing and just slams the end of the book together and it had nothing to do with the rest of the book (see My Sister's Keeper).
2. When a lot of the other books in a series are super sad/depressing/evil and then in the last book, the author ties it all up in a bow and makes it all happy ending and there are no loose ends (see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows).
3. When the author leaves the end open because they want to write a crappy sequel to go with the already crappy book (see Just Ella).

The next book I will review is Dead Reckoning recommended by our mom. Our mom aka SJ loved pirates more than life and the young adult section at the library. She also thought she was going to get scurvy (where you don't get enough vitamin C in your diet like a lot of pirates didn't and you die) so she would always get lime in her Cokes from Sonic. Loves it.

Tag

I was tagged, so here it goes... (I basically did this because I know Tammy doesn't think I will..)



A attached or single: single

B best friend: I have had 3 over my lifetime so I will list all: Amanda, Sarah, Emily ( not myself, my bff Emily who lives in Hawaii).

C cake or pie: Cake. Pie crust is just a plate for the pie filling. And not tasty.

D day of choice: Tuesday

E essential item: Cetaphil

F favorite color: red

G gummy bears or worms: worms. Sour ones.

H hometown: Mesa

I indulgence(s): cheese and crackers

J January or July: July. Counting the days until we can go back to the lake.

K kids: 2 girls (my younger, not married sisters)

L life is incomplete without: family, friends, plan of happiness

M marriage date: ??? ??, ????

N number of siblings: 4 sisters and 1 brother

O oranges or apples: oranges

P phobias or fears: duh. scorpions, sharks, ship sinking in the middle of the ocean and having to survive.

Q quotes: "Life is not a dress rehearsal."

R reason to smile: amazing clouds in the sky, decorating for holidays, loving life.

S season: Spring

T tag three friends: Rebecca aka Surrogate mom, Emily K, Amanda.

U unknown fact about me: I love being the oldest in my family.

V very favorite store: Eff 21

W worst habit: never washing my hair/car, having a bulimic bank account.

X x-ray or ultrasound: ??. I'm healthy. Neither.

Y your favorite food: Italian, Cafe Rio-ian

Z zodiac: Virgo.

So at times, my sisters and I try to eat "healthier." When we do this, we go on South Beach for a few days at a time, then fall off the wagon, only to get on the next week. When we are on South Beach, all males involved in our lives HATE us because we turn into psycho raving lunatics that can smell when a bag of potato chips is opened three houses down. Seriously. Your sense of smell turns into shark smell and you imagine you can smell the grease from Sonic a mile away. So, I got back on the wagon this morning. And when I came home, what was on the counter..
So Laura had been in Las Vegas this weekend and had brought home some boxes of these aka the Jones Family's favorite food on the planet. Annie could down a box in like 3 minutes if we let her. And Laura aka the Temptress chucked them at my house so they wouldn't tempt her. That little devil..

Some other interesting thoughts:

My favorite Christmas present on the planet aka the secret Santa gift I received at the Scrapbooks Etc Christmas party. My friend, Jamie, made this and all my sisters have major covet and I love it more than life. A sad note.. my jewelry is boring/only from Forever 21.

p.s. If you want to buy one, she is linked on my blog as Jamie Andersen aka Amazingness part 2.

Another interesting thought, while we are discussing my room.. My bed is a magnet for all things animal/human. Annie claims it's "cozy" and Julia won't get out of it. My bedroom is in the east wing of the house aka the Ice Palace. Yes, freezing in the winter and burning in the summer. Before I go to church, I tell all Jones people to stay out of my bed while I am gone. And when I return, what is in it? Tarzan the cat, Janeth the cat, Julia and Annie. And Annie's coloring books/crayons. This morning while I was making it, I found one of Julia's snot rags aka tissues in my bed. Not nice.

We're Back Together!!

So I was seriously seeing someone for a while and we decided to get back together. We're both really excited about it too. The last time I saw them, we were both living in Provo and hung out like every day. And a few days ago I found out that they had moved down to Mesa. I saw them last night and it was a very emotional moment. Who is this, do you ask??

Yes, the ghetto Circle K by my house now has my secret boyfriend. Redbox doesn't judge you if you rent She's the Man and Annapolis and Tristan and Isolde all at once. And it doesn't judge you if you rent She's the Man again the next day. It doesn't care if you come visit at 10 pm on a Friday night when you're bored. Because it is always waiting for you. It doesn't even care if you cheat on it with netflix occasionally as well. It is always waiting with open arms to take your debit card and charge it $1. Julia and I visited it late last night. And I wouldn't let her wait in the car because a creep was standing next to my secret boyfriend. So, with debit card in hand and crotch-kicking knee ready, we approached. And our relationship was just as it was before. I feel complete now.

5th Grade Kid

So our mom used to call our dad a 5th grade kid sometimes when he would act inappropriately. This morning was one of those times. A scorpion ran across the counter and then stove while our dad was making his toast. Reidster stabbed said scorpion with the butter knife and then turned on the stove burner and gave it a little scorching. During this event, Julia and I were screaming as loud as possible, of course. Not classy. More trashy, Reid.

Traditions! Traditions!

So, for Christmas Eve we performed our traditions:

Playing Clue and then getting ADD in .3 seconds and giving up.



(Miss Scarlet with the knife in the kitchen. Lee was closest.)

The theme of the evening. Apparently Daniel already knew because we found this in the box.


One of our new traditions - happy birthday Jesus cake!!

Delia being possessed by the devil/taking her cupcake eating very seriously.

Julia taking part in my least favorite Christmas tradition. Wrapping parents' presents at midnight Christmas eve that they chose not to deal with until then. Seriously, Reidster.

Christmas came early for me. De-meating another turkey at 11:00 at night.


And now I give you: When Hannah Montana Exploded on Annie.


And more..
There's more, but I'll spare you the monotony. p.s. My new favorite music may be the Hannah Montana cds. All 4 of them that she got. And she gets to go to the concert in Vegas. Jealous.

Julia and her head of many colors.

My Christmas present to myself: I don't have to get ready on Christmas or get out of my pajamas. Even to go to the movies. Twice. I now own the best movie ever only second to Napoleon Dynamite..

Lee and Eden having questionable mustache growth on Christmas morning..


And our newest holiday tradition: Seeing a really crappy family-friendly movie (National Treasure) and then Julia, me, and the Fletchers sneaking away to see true movie geniusness (Juno).

"You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!" Go and see it. It will change your life. Or be TMI and fear for Julia's innocence...

Jones Par-tay!!

Spoils from the Jones White Elephant Christmas Party:

Gifts given : Alcoholics Anonymous Bible (with a picture of Meredith attached), white hand statue reminiscent of Buster's hand chair on Arrested Development (with a picture of Buster attached), Office and Beatles and High School Musical calendars, Ralph Moody book, doctor's model of an ear, electric toilet scrubber.

Gifts received: Cattitude book, concert choir dress from Taylor Jr. High, bathroom spa treatment thing, silver frame, High School Musical calendar (we ended up giving it to Annie so she wouldn't cry), Gold Medal Gardening sweatshirt (my uncle Neil's company), ear model (Reidster actually stole it from someone else), handheld recorder with said choir's concert recorded onto it.

What now sits with pride on the mantle next to the Christmas stuff:

Not for long, Reidster. Not for long..

Babes in Rapeland

So Laura and I ventured over to the terrifying side of AZ. That would be the west side aka Avondale. We had heard of an amazing place called Hobby Lobby or as I call it, Hoberto Loberto. So after chucking my spanish final at my teacher, we went to find it. Google maps lead us to the wrong place. If you look up Hobby Lobby, it will give you this as one of the locations:


Here's a close-up of the terrifyingness that is Gordon's Hobbies aka the first stop on Rape Lane.


Check out the ominous clouds in the background. Damn you google maps to hell. We could have had children with anonymous fathers thanks to you, jerks.

So we loved Hobby Lobby so much and were busy throwing huge rolls of wrapping paper that we may have not needed into the cart, we forgot to take pictures. Because you need to see this amazing place yourself. Not that my loyalty is wavering from Scrapbooks Etc. Hobby Lobby's scrapbooking section was pretty lame, but Michaels should maybe be scared. Like the felt section. They have every single color of felt you can imagine. And did I even need felt or soap crystals? No.

We rewarded our amazingness with Panda Express afterwards.

This is Laura before she passed out in a salt-induced coma. Please see evidence of her salt addiction below. She is the president of Salt Lovers Anonymous.

She may have asked the lady for another packet. Laura takes her sodium intake very seriously. Maybe a salt lick for Christmas would be an appropriate gift..

Me having anger at Panda's because I chose beef & broccoli for my other entree and I totally should have picked chicken with mushrooms. Idiot!!


In conclusion, we will be traveling back to this mecca on Friday aka payday for Laura. I think her husband hates Hoberto Loberto.

So Julia and I saw this picture on the back of Entertainment Weekly and we put it on the fridge. Because it is amazing and encapsulates all things awesome - Mean Girls + Arrested Development.

No Shave November..

So I am going to pretend to be Julia because she won't blog about this. So apparently at Mesa High, a new tradition has formed since I stopped going there. It's called No Shave November. It's the "coolest" thing to do apparently. So Julia and her friends decided to do it. And I was so glad when it was over because then Julia wouldn't make me feel her nasty curly leg hair legs anymore. No worries, armpits were excluded in No Shave November. I guess I've been cool forever because I had the No Shave Nineties and the Twice a Month Two Thousands. Evidence of the hideousness:


And she has alerted me that there is Don't Shave December and Mustache March. Classy, MHS, classy. No wonder Mountain View always made fun of us.
p.s. No I don't abuse my kid - who knows how she got the nasty scars on her legs.