Our new pet

So, some how our new pet escaped down the drain. Or maybe they filmed The Ring/The Grudge etc at our house.


p.s. For the record, this is not Emily's bathroom. This is Julia's.
p.s.s. If my cousins can post pictures of nasty teeth and toenails, we can post this. Sorry if you just ate.
p.s.s.s. Not even my dad will pull it out. It's that nasty.

Sad..

I title this entry: Conversations with Children that Could Be Self-Esteem Damaging

Scene: Costco
Participants: Amanda, Emily, Eden

Amanda: Look, that girl has on the same shirt as me. Too bad her boobs don't make it look weird and mine do.
Emily: But it looked like you both had the same size-ish of boobs. Maybe you just dried your shirt or something.
Eden: Emilx (that is what Annie and Eden call me), your shirt in the front is big (referring to my boobs).
Emily: Is that a good or bad thing, Eden?
Eden: It's just silly.

Scene: Native New Yorker
Participants: Emily and Annie

Emily: Annie, do I have any food in my teeth.
Annie: Ugh. Yellow.
Emily: I have yellow food in my teeth?
Annie: No. Your teeth are yellow.

Nice.

They say it's your birthday!

So, 27 years ago, Mom Jones gave birth to Emily. Tender moments. Too bad I remember when my mom turned 27 because I WROTE HER A BIRTHDAY CARD. So much for being just like her and having 50 kids at age 27. Anways, photos of the blessed event celebrated at Native.
p.s. To the person that said everything is cleaned with bathwater at Native (comment on Erica's blog). I hate you. That is all I could think about there as I ate my bathwater salad and threw my bathwater carrots on another plate.

First picture: Delia aka Pickles hating her first lemon.

Second picture: Clearly Annie didn't learn from Delia's mistake..

Next photo: Eden enjoying her favorite food group - curly fries.


Lastly, us enjoying Emily's birthday ice cream. No worries, this was just pre-birthday dinner. The actual day was celebrated by Emily getting a facial and the fam going to the movies. Loves it.

I spy with my little eye..

So, seeing that I have not been able to attend the plasma center, I thought I would give you
Tales from MCC

Entry 1: (Sorry about the members of SBE that already heard this story last night). So, I am 99.999999% sure that I saw a transvestite in the bathroom at MCC yesterday. Yes, it was the girl's bathroom. I know the signs of a transvestite. My mom/Maury Povitch taught me. It was either that or a hooker in between "appointments" but even then, it was a transvestite hooker. Serious.

More Things We Hate/Love Tuesday

Hate:

1. The fact that the scorpions at my house are seriously geniuses. Somehow they learned how to log onto the computer, find our blog, read that I always wear flip-flops at all times in our house. Then the leader of the scorpions decided to perch on the side of my flip-flop, just waiting to attack me. I am just going to start pouring liquid pool acid, or whatever is in those huge bottles by the pool, all over the place and light it on fire. Seriously.

2. There is no hot water upstairs. I never thought I would say this, but Reidster, it's time to come back from the vacation.

3. People who don't blow their nose. When I lived in Utah, I would call and talk to my brother Daniel and sister Julia. And they would need to blow their noses. And I would yell at them from 700 miles away. What is the punishment for not blowing your nose around me??? I will guaranteed chuck a box of tissues at you as hard as I can. Not. Kidding.

Love:

1. That it is a teeny teeny tiny bit starting to feel cooler/like fall. This doesn't mean that my hate for AZ has diminished at all.

2. Halloween is in exactly 64 days. Soon candy corn and milk will be consumed for breakfast at the Jones house. Yes, we consider it a vegetable. The word corn is in the title.

3. The fact that our niece, Eden, has decided her favorite drink is Diet Coke. God bless Coca-Cola. And Emily for introducing it to her. Much to her mother's dismay.

Cage Fighting Kittens

We LOVE blogger for adding video!
Here is our kittens when they absolutely loathed each other and would hiss at their own reflection just because they look identical. That's true hatred for you right there.
P.S. Our voices in the background are awkward...
Sorry about Emily's voice she promises she didn't get a sex change.
And i sound like Bart Simpson at the end..

What I Did This Summer

So, Julia, my mom, and I started a book journal. These are very helpful in that when people ask you what books are good, you can bust this out and they will either be 1. very impressed by your reading skill or 2. realize that said person reads a lot of crap fiction. So, I give you my list of books I read this summer. And their ratings. (Six stars means really, really amazing, changed my life. Most lists are rated on five stars.)

p.s. Don't try and call me a hermit. My sister already did. It's already taken.

1. Birth of Venus by Susan Dunant *****
2. The 6th Target by James Patterson *
3. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Sutterfield *****
4. Darcy's Story by Janet Alymer ***
5. Jemima J by Jane Green ****
6. The Last Summer (Of You and Me) by Ann Brashares ****
7. Twilight (again) by Stephenie Meyer *****
8. Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich **
9. The Uglies by Scott Westerfield ****
10. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (again) by JK Rowling ******
11. The Pretties by Scott Westerfield *****
12. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling ***
13. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer ****
14. Me and Mr. Darcy by Alexandra Potter *
15. The Tale of Emily Windsnap by Liz Kessler *****

Pervy Old Men Scorpions

Scene: This morning at 5:30 am. Place: Emily's bathroom. Again.

Scorpion is slyly running towards Emily's tan towel. Emily forgets that she left her new body wash outside the bathroom. Emily sees said scorpion and screams really really loud. Scorpion must have forgotten one of the Scorpion Rules at the Jones house. Emily always has a pair of shoes nearby. Scorpion dies underneath a red flipflop. Emily now is now jolted awake and couldn't even think of going back to sleep, even if she wanted to. Pretty much, scorpion sightings can wake one up better than any caffeinated beverage. Seriously.

That makes 5 scorpion sightings in Emily's bathroom. One sighting included the scorpion hanging in between the shower curtain and liner, waving his pincher at Emily and staring at her naughty bits. The scorpions that hang out in the bathroom are definitely pervs/creepsters.

p.s. Sorry no pictures. I still think that the scorpion could come back to life after being smashed and will leap onto my face. It was flushed immediately. Back to the black light inspections.

Love/Hate relationships and HATA BLOCKAS Tuesay...

Love/Hate Relationships by Julia

Number one: This very large bruise


My whole left shin bone is bruised up and down. I got a little out of hand at church so Emily had to beat me. Okay not really it's actually from swim. I get out of the pool the most foolish way possible thus creating this masterpiece. I kinda have a love/hate relationship with it cause it's fun to show battle wounds but it's slightly painful. I just counted i have fourteen. There are two more on my knees.

Number Two: White girls can't speak Spanish. Self explanatory. Me being a white girl equals me being a wretchedly bad Spanish speaker. Although there is this boy in my spanish class who is possibly the funniest person i have met in my entire existence. He reminds me of my dearest Will Smith. Actually he could be the spawn of Will Smith. In fact he sang the entire Fresh Prince song when it was the sweep music the other day. His name is Ace.. He is ridiculous.. He has a pink ipod.. His outfits match perfectly.. What can i say we are officially best friends. Also my spanish teacher is interesting. She really likes to repeat things while clasping her hands back together. Cough and had a mental breakdown when laura had her. the craziness is explained.


HATA BLOCKA TUESDAY! by Emily via Julia (Yes that's why i made the titles as obnoxious as possible Emily had no choice in this matter)

1.THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN PHOENIX HAS ISSUED A HEAT ADVISORY... WHICH IS IN EFFECT FOR ALL OF MARICOPA COUNTY AND THE NORTHWEST HALF OF PINAL COUNTY...FROM 10 AM TO 8 PM MST WEDNESDAY. (Seriously, can this please stop? I know this is the devil's home, but for the love. Bad enough that Arizona-ans have to acquire the skill of secretly wiping our sweat mustaches 5,439 times a day. Hate.)

2. The school that I, Emily, attend. It is called MCC aka Mesa High Community College aka 13th Grade. Here are some examples of things I did on my first day of school. Note: these are all "upper level" classes here at MCC and two of my classes are ones that the advisors say are "really hard."
- We were forced to introduce ourselves to three students. Then the teacher didn't think that was good enough, so we had to introduce ourselves again and learn one interesting fact. Then the teacher still realized that no one was trying very hard, and made everyone introduce themselves and their neighbor and tell the interesting fact to the entire class. Then she let us out early.
- In another class, we have to make up a fake name for ourselves that we will use for the rest of the semester. Then we have to make a nametag with said name and it is worth 9% of our grade. Not. Kidding.
- Every syllabus that I have received states that rude behavior will not be tolerated. Come on, people.
- In the first day of lab, we used a meter stick to measure such things as our height, the length of the classroom, and the most difficult, our shoes. What a brain buster.
- In another lab, we learned the parts of a microscope and looked at a piece of our hair. Now, besides learning that I have nasty split ends, was there really a reason I needed to be in this class at 7:20 am? I think not. p.s. At the first day of this lab at BYU, they would have thrown a rubberband at you, made you determine which muscle it was in the body and what kind of striations it had.

In conclusion, anyone who ever says that BYU is not a hard school and that ASU or MCC is the equivalent is on mind altering drugs.

We = famous

So, I am supposed to be throwing away the world this week because the Reidster is out of town. So, if you see a dumpster delivered to our house, you know what we are trying to tackle. Anyways, I tried to get Julia's hilariousness and mine combined so we could post about our famous weekend, but alas. So let's get the Stephenie Meyer weekend started!!!

Here is the Jones sisters waiting 1.25 hours inside the Marcos de Niza auditorium waiting for our idol to come out and greet us. We had to wait outside first. But I'm sure you can all tell that from the amount of shine on my face.


And p.s. If you buy a digital camera for $100, it will exactly act like $100. No more.

Here is a crappy picture of our idol answering ridiculous questions that people we were embarrassed to be associated with were asking..



Like these creepsters who wore long capes with hoods. Scared.


Once again, you get what you paid for in camera world.

And then there is glasses girl who thought she was the shiz. Or maybe we were secretly jealous of her announcing which group was next skills..


Here is our wonderful surrogate mother Lesli Spafford getting her book signed by Stephenie Meyer. And our mother treated us to Paradise Bakery for lunch. Love her.


Here is Stephenie Meyer signing my book but sadly only my boob was able to jump into the picture. Boobs, I think you get enough attention. Geez. Can't you see Stephenie carefully signing the book of her #1 fan? I am pretty sure we are best friends/she has acknowledged me as a fan. I should have worn my BYU sweatshirt with my Muse shirt on top of it. Then we would have really been friends. Behind the lady in the white shirt was the uber creepster pile of fan letters/stalker mail/drawings that fans had brought Stephenie. Not kidding. Yikes.

And here is us with our wonderful mother excited for life. And no, Annie's freakishly excited face is not for Stephenie Meyer. It is because I found the game boy in Daniel's room and she was being allowed to play it.


And here is another photo documenting Julia's presence. We were too scared to ask the crazy fans to take a big picture of us.

My Greatest Fear

So, tonight, Julia found this in my bathroom while I was at work..


FYI, I am extremely scared of scorpions. Here are examples of my fear:

1. When I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I will put on my flip-flops to walk the ten steps to the bathroom. Not kidding. There is a pair of shoes right by my bed at all times. I will not step foot out of my bed without shoes on. I also check my bed every night to make sure there are no scorpions hiding.

2. Sometimes, I feel that I need "scorpion therapy." That means I get a butcher knife and a black light and go out to kill scorpions. Now, my neighbors probably know when I do this because I scream every time and whimper that this 1 inch insect is going to jump on my face.

3. So, once I picked up my opened library book from off the floor next to my bed, and there was a scorpion in it. Sorry, Bridget Jones' Diary, you have a smashed scorpion inside your pages. And I won't leave any books on the floor now.

4. For a while, after finding said scorpion, I would check every inch of my bedroom every night with a black light to make sure there were no scorpions in there.

5. I will never lay a wet towel on the floor because I know that is where scorpions like to hang out.

6. Why do you think I am the biggest advocate of keeping our chickens? Because I feel they protect me from scorpions.

7. I will never walk barefoot in my house either. It's hard to see scorpions on our carpet.

8. I want to put the bottom of my bed frame posts in jars because I heard that scorpions can't climb glass and I am afraid they are going to crawl into my bed.

9. My mom used to say that she would take all the scorpion stings for us so they would never sting us. Who is the new mom now? Yeah, me. Kill me now.

Tuesday Love/Hate

Okay, don't hate, but no pictures for this blog either. Like I can find Julia's camera in her room. Imagine a teenager's room. Now try finding a camera in it. Right.

So, since someone already asked me about what we were going to post for things we love/hate Tuesdays, I thought we should share.

Love:
1. Thank you, Michaels, for already putting out your Halloween decorations. It gave Amanda and I and her children many hours of enjoyment and thinking yesterday/we wanted to buy the whole store.

2. Love that The Hills started again last night with two episodes. Love me some LC and Heidi with her not discussed chest enlargement. Maybe bees strategically stung her..

3. The Mesa Public Library main branch. So we can spend our money on Halloween decorations and not books. We must maintain our classy well-readness.

4. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 ON FRIDAY!!!!! (This is from Annie. Of course.)


Hate:
1. Hate you, Joann's, for not putting out your Halloween stuff yet. Hello. 4th of July was like a month ago, I don't care if it is still 2 months and three weeks until Halloween. Like you have anything better to have in your store. Hate you.

2. R.I.P. dvd/vcr player that no longer wants to play dvds or tapes or anything that requires parts to move. You had a hard life.

3. That there are no hot boys/normal people in any of Julia's classes at MHS. Oh the trials of a teenage life. What a burden she must bear.

4. The website that we got our blog background on that has now been shut down or doesn't work anymore, so we must switch back to boring pink. Lame-o.

Our New Motto

So the Jones family has a new motto: Classy not Trashy. And to give an example of all things trashy, here is a conversation I had with an employee at the plasma center where I donate. For those who donate plasma, you know that you have to get the employees on your good side so they will hook you up and help you out.. The woman I was having this conversation with is a rather large woman of hispanic descent..

Woman: I am so tired. I went swimming until 3 am and then I didn't go to bed until five and I had to be here at six. But luckily, I stayed at my friend's house, which is around the corner.

Emily: That's cool. You must be really tired.

Woman: Yeah, my life has been pretty hectic lately. I got in a big fight with my mom.

Emily (grasping at anything to say to comment on this, she just wants to get her plasma money and get the heck out of here. It's not like she shares anything personal with this woman): Oh really? What happened?

Woman: Well, my mom started hitting me in my face. Look. (woman has huge scratch marks across her eye and her neck, clearly done by long fake fingernails) And usually I don't cuss around my mom, I only say s*** and d*** and h***, the normal ones. Not the other ones that much.

Emily: Wow. Those scratches look pretty bad.

Woman: Yeah, so my mom started hitting my face, and I said to her "You f****** b****. Don't you ever f****** ever hit my mother-f****** face again. So then I started hitting my mom's face. And then my mom locked me in the house and called the cops. And my four year old son was there watching this all, and I had to explain that the cops might take mommy away, but it would be okay. And then my son was really sad and was saying that he didn't want the cops to take away his mommy. But then, the cops came, and they just gave me warning. So, now I am in a really big fight with my mom.

Emily (awkwardly saying this): Hmm. That's really too bad. Sometimes cops can be good and bad??

Woman: Yeah. I was totally pissed at them.

No worries, Tales from the Plasma Center will most likely become a series. So, this was the conversation that went on at 7 in the morning while Emily was just trying to get her $40 for selling her body. Not so classy.

Things We Hate/Love Wednesdays

So, don't hate, but sorry we forgot "Things We Hate Tuesdays." So, instead we will have things we hate and love Wednesdays.

Hate:
1. When Amanda was putting the ceiling fan back up in Julia's room and someone had turned on the switch and when the screwdriver touched metal, it made tons of sparks and shocked her. Okay, fine. Not so much hate as scary for Amanda and really, really, really funny for us.

2. Julia's summer reading assignment. Again

3. The f-ing dishes. I swear, we are going to only eat on plastic for the rest of our lives and they can name the land fill after us.

4. Emily crying at work when people are sentimental about her mom. So far it has been for sure every other week.

5. When the Reidster tells you that you need to get new tires really soon. There's no flats on my car, who cares.

6. That Julia started swim practice this week and she feels like a pounded piece of meat.

7. That Annie's scrapbook class is only once a month.


Love:
1. That Emily was able to finish Harry Potter #7 before anyone could spoil it for her.

2. That we were able to get copies of Eclipse and the whole state of Utah is sold out of them. Suckers.

3. We're serious here, love that school is going to start soon.

4. The freaking hot Halloween decorations my sister Amanda and I have already thought up. Prepare to be jealous. Halloween is the Reid Jones Family's favorite holiday.

5. Chili cheese fries from Del Taco. Amazingness in a box.

6. That Amanda gets super ticked when we say "naughty licks."

7. Did I mention that we bought Eclipse and since Emily doesn't have to work tomorrow, her day will pretty much consist of laying by/in the pool and reading it. My life is amaz-za-zing.

IT'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FYI, for all the lame people/illiterates we know, the best book on the planet is coming out tomorrow. Stop scratching your head in confusion. No, tomorrow is not July 21st and we think HP #7 is coming out. It is the third book written by Stephanie Meyer aka the most amazing author on the planet. In case you didn't notice, the Jones girls are slightly obsessed (note the countdown at the bottom of our blog). Here is a picture of us being ecstatic that in two hours and twenty minutes, we get to be reunited with amazing book-ness.



Please pay no attention to my plasma hole in my elbow crease or my amazing Scrapbooks Etc shirt I was wearing at the time. These are the photos that are taken when everyone in your house is "too busy."

Here is Julia doing her trademark devil eyes after I told her she couldn't read Eclipse until she finished her summer reading assignment. (Stop it. I'm not mean. School starts on Monday. For the love, Julia.)


On another note, we have decided that our kittens may have questionable sexual tendencies. We came home and Tarzan and Jane looked up at us guiltily. They were giving each other baths and we have determined that we interrupted them in the middle of "naughty licks." Maybe their names now have to be Ellen and Portia de Rossi.

Star Sighting

So, we found out where all the famous movie stars hang out. With the homeless at the Mesa Public Library. We were there trying to skirt around the puddles of hepatitis and AIDS, and guess who we saw there? None other than Kip Dynamite (the hottie in the blue plaid shirt). Now, I don't know if this guy just took Napoleon Dynamite really seriously, or if it was really Kip, but he was a dead ringer. And we couldn't get a closer picture because we were already embarrassed for the severe staring we gave him to begin with. I spoke with fellow blogger Angie, and she said that she took a picture of Kip in the frozen foods section of the grocery store. Famous people really get around..