Dear world:

If you have lots of things to do, like study for finals, clean the house, breathe, eat food, work, exist, etc, do not start reading this book. It will take over your life and you will have obsession. However, world, if you have not read the prior 6 books, this book will make minimal sense. It has evil possessing powers only compared to Twilight.

Thank you,
A concerned reader

And on the 5th day...

So, a lot of the time lately, I have been feeling like this. In order to make us feel better after family members go to heaven, we buy pets. Which sounds like a good idea at the time, but not so much right now. We currently have two dogs (Pal and Genevieve), four cats (Katarina, Mouse, Tarzan, and Jane), 5 kittens (Garbage, Sprinkles, Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus, and Snowball), Jane who is also about to explode with kittens, 5 chickens (Seurat, Ginger, Cinnamon, Brownie, and m.i.a. Armpit), a pond full of fish, and 5,000,000,000 scorpions that love to be harrassers. Incidents with pets that have only happened THIS WEEK:

1. Tarzan moved her babies and herself into the back of my closet behind the skirts. Out of all the house, she chose there.

2. Where did Tarzan have said children? Think of the most awkward place you will ever have to clean up kitten juice???? Annie's bed while Annie was having her Sunday nap. Annie woke up and started yelling for Julia and they started freaking out.

3. Whenever I get ticked at Genevieve the dog, she passive aggressively gets back at me. Seriously, if any person who is lacking a seeing-eye dog or a dog servant, please contact us and you can have her. I got mad at her for chasing the chickens, (which Genevieve also learned how to open the chicken cage this week and lets them out every time I put them away) she pulled my hose out of whichever pot I was watering at the moment. ALWAYS. Or she will pull it out of a planter, little Satan dog.

4. I was once again instructing Genevieve not to chase the chickens and Tarzan started carrying her babies out the open door into the backyard.

Seriously, you wonder who is the boss around here. I, the zoo keeper, am definitely losing.

p.s. We will post pictures of the adorable kittens as soon as our dad gives us back the camera cord and little black box thingy. He took it on vacation with him conference weekend.

The Jones Menagerie

Missing: a tan-ish chicken.
May answer to the name "Armpit"
Our stupid actually really smart dog opened up the cage and let all the chickens out and chased them around. Armpit is missing and really likes to fly around. She/he is a new chicken, we got her from a customer at SBE. If any of you Lyn Rae Square-ers see her, let us know. She/he is really soft and likes you to pet her/him. p.s. You know you wish you could think up amazing names like Armpit. The choices were Chloe (we know a child named that), Fiona 2, and Armpit. Armpit is clearly more classy.

Hi, my name is Emily and my blog has been hacked

Memo to Myself:

All things DO NOT smell like carrots.

Recent conversations with my sisters....


Emily: What perfume are you wearing?
Laura: Its that Davidoff stuff called Echo.
Emily: Its really strong how much do you put on?
Laura: On you know more then two squirts which to you equates to me smelling like the whole bottle with your freakish hypersensitive nose.
Emily: Well my freakish hypersensitive nose says that you smell like carrots.



Emily: Wo bubs, you're smelling pretty strong.
Julia: It's just bath and body works spritzer
Emily: Well you smell like a giant walking carrot



Laura: Why are geraniums so pretty but smell so gross?
Emily: IDK to keep the bees away?
Laura: Ya maybe, they make me sneeze. They smell like pepper
Emily: I think they smell like carrots
Laura: Of course you do.



Emily: I got new deodorant
Laura: Ya? is it better then the dove kind you said didn't work anymore?
Emily: Ya it works pretty good but it kinda smells like carrots
Laura: Excuse me while I strangle you through the phone for thinking everything smells like carrots, crazy.




Emily's brain thinking: Here I am walking, walking, walking to class.
Emily's brain thinking:Oh ya we are doing strep cultures in microbiology today
Emily's brain thinking: Here I am walking, walking walking into class.
Emily's brain thinking: It smells nasty in here like gross bad breath when people have nasty colds
Emily's brain thinking: Eww and it kinda smells like carrots



Insights of Emily's life that she may or may not be willing to share with the blogging world herself--brought to you by Laura Jones Fletcher