Our new pet

So, some how our new pet escaped down the drain. Or maybe they filmed The Ring/The Grudge etc at our house.


p.s. For the record, this is not Emily's bathroom. This is Julia's.
p.s.s. If my cousins can post pictures of nasty teeth and toenails, we can post this. Sorry if you just ate.
p.s.s.s. Not even my dad will pull it out. It's that nasty.

Sad..

I title this entry: Conversations with Children that Could Be Self-Esteem Damaging

Scene: Costco
Participants: Amanda, Emily, Eden

Amanda: Look, that girl has on the same shirt as me. Too bad her boobs don't make it look weird and mine do.
Emily: But it looked like you both had the same size-ish of boobs. Maybe you just dried your shirt or something.
Eden: Emilx (that is what Annie and Eden call me), your shirt in the front is big (referring to my boobs).
Emily: Is that a good or bad thing, Eden?
Eden: It's just silly.

Scene: Native New Yorker
Participants: Emily and Annie

Emily: Annie, do I have any food in my teeth.
Annie: Ugh. Yellow.
Emily: I have yellow food in my teeth?
Annie: No. Your teeth are yellow.

Nice.

They say it's your birthday!

So, 27 years ago, Mom Jones gave birth to Emily. Tender moments. Too bad I remember when my mom turned 27 because I WROTE HER A BIRTHDAY CARD. So much for being just like her and having 50 kids at age 27. Anways, photos of the blessed event celebrated at Native.
p.s. To the person that said everything is cleaned with bathwater at Native (comment on Erica's blog). I hate you. That is all I could think about there as I ate my bathwater salad and threw my bathwater carrots on another plate.

First picture: Delia aka Pickles hating her first lemon.

Second picture: Clearly Annie didn't learn from Delia's mistake..

Next photo: Eden enjoying her favorite food group - curly fries.


Lastly, us enjoying Emily's birthday ice cream. No worries, this was just pre-birthday dinner. The actual day was celebrated by Emily getting a facial and the fam going to the movies. Loves it.

I spy with my little eye..

So, seeing that I have not been able to attend the plasma center, I thought I would give you
Tales from MCC

Entry 1: (Sorry about the members of SBE that already heard this story last night). So, I am 99.999999% sure that I saw a transvestite in the bathroom at MCC yesterday. Yes, it was the girl's bathroom. I know the signs of a transvestite. My mom/Maury Povitch taught me. It was either that or a hooker in between "appointments" but even then, it was a transvestite hooker. Serious.

More Things We Hate/Love Tuesday

Hate:

1. The fact that the scorpions at my house are seriously geniuses. Somehow they learned how to log onto the computer, find our blog, read that I always wear flip-flops at all times in our house. Then the leader of the scorpions decided to perch on the side of my flip-flop, just waiting to attack me. I am just going to start pouring liquid pool acid, or whatever is in those huge bottles by the pool, all over the place and light it on fire. Seriously.

2. There is no hot water upstairs. I never thought I would say this, but Reidster, it's time to come back from the vacation.

3. People who don't blow their nose. When I lived in Utah, I would call and talk to my brother Daniel and sister Julia. And they would need to blow their noses. And I would yell at them from 700 miles away. What is the punishment for not blowing your nose around me??? I will guaranteed chuck a box of tissues at you as hard as I can. Not. Kidding.

Love:

1. That it is a teeny teeny tiny bit starting to feel cooler/like fall. This doesn't mean that my hate for AZ has diminished at all.

2. Halloween is in exactly 64 days. Soon candy corn and milk will be consumed for breakfast at the Jones house. Yes, we consider it a vegetable. The word corn is in the title.

3. The fact that our niece, Eden, has decided her favorite drink is Diet Coke. God bless Coca-Cola. And Emily for introducing it to her. Much to her mother's dismay.

Cage Fighting Kittens

We LOVE blogger for adding video!
Here is our kittens when they absolutely loathed each other and would hiss at their own reflection just because they look identical. That's true hatred for you right there.
P.S. Our voices in the background are awkward...
Sorry about Emily's voice she promises she didn't get a sex change.
And i sound like Bart Simpson at the end..

What I Did This Summer

So, Julia, my mom, and I started a book journal. These are very helpful in that when people ask you what books are good, you can bust this out and they will either be 1. very impressed by your reading skill or 2. realize that said person reads a lot of crap fiction. So, I give you my list of books I read this summer. And their ratings. (Six stars means really, really amazing, changed my life. Most lists are rated on five stars.)

p.s. Don't try and call me a hermit. My sister already did. It's already taken.

1. Birth of Venus by Susan Dunant *****
2. The 6th Target by James Patterson *
3. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Sutterfield *****
4. Darcy's Story by Janet Alymer ***
5. Jemima J by Jane Green ****
6. The Last Summer (Of You and Me) by Ann Brashares ****
7. Twilight (again) by Stephenie Meyer *****
8. Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich **
9. The Uglies by Scott Westerfield ****
10. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (again) by JK Rowling ******
11. The Pretties by Scott Westerfield *****
12. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling ***
13. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer ****
14. Me and Mr. Darcy by Alexandra Potter *
15. The Tale of Emily Windsnap by Liz Kessler *****

Pervy Old Men Scorpions

Scene: This morning at 5:30 am. Place: Emily's bathroom. Again.

Scorpion is slyly running towards Emily's tan towel. Emily forgets that she left her new body wash outside the bathroom. Emily sees said scorpion and screams really really loud. Scorpion must have forgotten one of the Scorpion Rules at the Jones house. Emily always has a pair of shoes nearby. Scorpion dies underneath a red flipflop. Emily now is now jolted awake and couldn't even think of going back to sleep, even if she wanted to. Pretty much, scorpion sightings can wake one up better than any caffeinated beverage. Seriously.

That makes 5 scorpion sightings in Emily's bathroom. One sighting included the scorpion hanging in between the shower curtain and liner, waving his pincher at Emily and staring at her naughty bits. The scorpions that hang out in the bathroom are definitely pervs/creepsters.

p.s. Sorry no pictures. I still think that the scorpion could come back to life after being smashed and will leap onto my face. It was flushed immediately. Back to the black light inspections.

Love/Hate relationships and HATA BLOCKAS Tuesay...

Love/Hate Relationships by Julia

Number one: This very large bruise


My whole left shin bone is bruised up and down. I got a little out of hand at church so Emily had to beat me. Okay not really it's actually from swim. I get out of the pool the most foolish way possible thus creating this masterpiece. I kinda have a love/hate relationship with it cause it's fun to show battle wounds but it's slightly painful. I just counted i have fourteen. There are two more on my knees.

Number Two: White girls can't speak Spanish. Self explanatory. Me being a white girl equals me being a wretchedly bad Spanish speaker. Although there is this boy in my spanish class who is possibly the funniest person i have met in my entire existence. He reminds me of my dearest Will Smith. Actually he could be the spawn of Will Smith. In fact he sang the entire Fresh Prince song when it was the sweep music the other day. His name is Ace.. He is ridiculous.. He has a pink ipod.. His outfits match perfectly.. What can i say we are officially best friends. Also my spanish teacher is interesting. She really likes to repeat things while clasping her hands back together. Cough and had a mental breakdown when laura had her. the craziness is explained.


HATA BLOCKA TUESDAY! by Emily via Julia (Yes that's why i made the titles as obnoxious as possible Emily had no choice in this matter)

1.THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN PHOENIX HAS ISSUED A HEAT ADVISORY... WHICH IS IN EFFECT FOR ALL OF MARICOPA COUNTY AND THE NORTHWEST HALF OF PINAL COUNTY...FROM 10 AM TO 8 PM MST WEDNESDAY. (Seriously, can this please stop? I know this is the devil's home, but for the love. Bad enough that Arizona-ans have to acquire the skill of secretly wiping our sweat mustaches 5,439 times a day. Hate.)

2. The school that I, Emily, attend. It is called MCC aka Mesa High Community College aka 13th Grade. Here are some examples of things I did on my first day of school. Note: these are all "upper level" classes here at MCC and two of my classes are ones that the advisors say are "really hard."
- We were forced to introduce ourselves to three students. Then the teacher didn't think that was good enough, so we had to introduce ourselves again and learn one interesting fact. Then the teacher still realized that no one was trying very hard, and made everyone introduce themselves and their neighbor and tell the interesting fact to the entire class. Then she let us out early.
- In another class, we have to make up a fake name for ourselves that we will use for the rest of the semester. Then we have to make a nametag with said name and it is worth 9% of our grade. Not. Kidding.
- Every syllabus that I have received states that rude behavior will not be tolerated. Come on, people.
- In the first day of lab, we used a meter stick to measure such things as our height, the length of the classroom, and the most difficult, our shoes. What a brain buster.
- In another lab, we learned the parts of a microscope and looked at a piece of our hair. Now, besides learning that I have nasty split ends, was there really a reason I needed to be in this class at 7:20 am? I think not. p.s. At the first day of this lab at BYU, they would have thrown a rubberband at you, made you determine which muscle it was in the body and what kind of striations it had.

In conclusion, anyone who ever says that BYU is not a hard school and that ASU or MCC is the equivalent is on mind altering drugs.

We = famous

So, I am supposed to be throwing away the world this week because the Reidster is out of town. So, if you see a dumpster delivered to our house, you know what we are trying to tackle. Anyways, I tried to get Julia's hilariousness and mine combined so we could post about our famous weekend, but alas. So let's get the Stephenie Meyer weekend started!!!

Here is the Jones sisters waiting 1.25 hours inside the Marcos de Niza auditorium waiting for our idol to come out and greet us. We had to wait outside first. But I'm sure you can all tell that from the amount of shine on my face.


And p.s. If you buy a digital camera for $100, it will exactly act like $100. No more.

Here is a crappy picture of our idol answering ridiculous questions that people we were embarrassed to be associated with were asking..



Like these creepsters who wore long capes with hoods. Scared.


Once again, you get what you paid for in camera world.

And then there is glasses girl who thought she was the shiz. Or maybe we were secretly jealous of her announcing which group was next skills..


Here is our wonderful surrogate mother Lesli Spafford getting her book signed by Stephenie Meyer. And our mother treated us to Paradise Bakery for lunch. Love her.


Here is Stephenie Meyer signing my book but sadly only my boob was able to jump into the picture. Boobs, I think you get enough attention. Geez. Can't you see Stephenie carefully signing the book of her #1 fan? I am pretty sure we are best friends/she has acknowledged me as a fan. I should have worn my BYU sweatshirt with my Muse shirt on top of it. Then we would have really been friends. Behind the lady in the white shirt was the uber creepster pile of fan letters/stalker mail/drawings that fans had brought Stephenie. Not kidding. Yikes.

And here is us with our wonderful mother excited for life. And no, Annie's freakishly excited face is not for Stephenie Meyer. It is because I found the game boy in Daniel's room and she was being allowed to play it.


And here is another photo documenting Julia's presence. We were too scared to ask the crazy fans to take a big picture of us.